#145 3 Big Lessons I've Learned This Year
In today's episode, I want to take this opportunity to share some profound lessons I have learned throughout this year. These lessons have shaped my journey, impacted my business, and transformed my perspective. I hope that by sharing them with you, they will resonate and inspire you to close out the year strong and set yourself up for success in the new year.
The first of these lessons is the importance of slowing down. In a society that glorifies busyness and hustle, taking time to nurture our well-being often takes a backseat. However, I have realised that true success cannot be achieved without self-care and a calm nervous system. By slowing down, I have experienced an incredible shift in my well-being. Slowing down has allowed me to make aligned decisions and gain valuable insights for both my personal and business growth.
Another lesson I learned this year was the power of saying no. As women in business, we often find ourselves taking on too much, and saying yes to every opportunity that comes our way. However, I have come to understand that just because I can do something doesn't mean I should. Saying no is not about being unkind; it's about honouring ourselves and our boundaries.
Lastly, the power of presence has become a transformative aspect of my personal and professional life. In a world filled with distractions and constant busyness, the ability to be present is a gift. By slowing down and saying no to what doesn't serve us, we create space to be fully present in every interaction we have. Being fully present allows us to experience true fulfilment and make a meaningful impact on those we engage with.
Through the lessons of slowing down, saying no, and the power of presence, I have experienced profound changes in my life and business. As you reflect on your journey, I encourage you to take these lessons to heart. Embrace the value of slowing down, learn to say no to what doesn't serve you, and cultivate the power of presence in your daily life.
Wishing you a successful and fulfilling year ahead.
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Tracey: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the rise up in business podcast. Given the time of year that we're in, I've been doing some reflecting lately, which I do at the end of every year. And I wanted to record this episode to share with you part of this reflection. in the hope that some of this will resonate with you in your own reflections and your own slowing down and pausing at this time of year.
What I find with a lot of my clients is that I share not just legal support and legal value and draft contracts and things like that, but I share a lot of insights I have from my own experience in business from my own journey. And that often. So I'm told is immense value for business owners, and they really appreciate the sharing.
And because I share so deeply and authentically with my clients, I wanted to share with you here as well. What I hope you'll find useful in closing out the year and setting your business up for success in the new year. So I've taken a lot of time lately to reflect on the year that's been. It's been a big year for me. My mum passed away this year. We had some pivots in business. We moved house. I prioritized my self care. fully and wholly for the first time in about 10 years. And they were some big shifts. And because of that, the lessons that I've learnt, I find have been probably the most powerful lessons that I've learnt in a year to date. So I want to share them with you.
I want to give some context first as to why this reflective period has been so deep for me. I went on my very first [00:02:00] retreat this year 31st of October for four days, I went on my very first retreat. I've always been opposed to retreats because I don't like the idea of being vulnerable.
I don't like the idea of surrounding myself with strangers. There's so many reasons why I've been seriously opposed to retreats. I like retreats for one, let's be honest. I've always taken myself off to Sydney. I'm there a lot for work. I see a lot of my Sydney clients. I
spend time alone a lot. And I'm a projector in human design, which means that alone time for me is really important. And I'm a line two, four, which again, if you're into human design, you'll know just how important alone time is. So for me, a retreat with women. That I don't know to do things that I don't know much about.
It was just not something I was ever open to, but this year that changed. And I went on a retreat and it has changed my life. The experience changed my life because
I leaned into something that. Intuitively I knew was right for me, but I didn't know why. So I trusted my intuition And I went along to spend time focusing on me, on the business at a high level and on my own self care. And. The women that were drawn to this retreat, I think will be lifelong friends, honestly.
And that's big for me to say that we connected so deeply and purely and authentically that it really did support me to understand what was really important to me on a deep level and what I wanted in life and in business. The next year and the years beyond. So when I've gone into this reflective state, these three lessons absolute gold to me, and I hope that this resonates with you and you find this process and what I share to be gold or somewhat useful to you.
So the first lesson I've [00:04:00] learned this year, which really, really was reinforced at the retreat is the value of slowing down. It sounds cliche, it's always been something I write down that I want to slow down. There's podcasts out there about the art of slowing down, but this is a really deep belief that I have in the value of slowing down and what that means for my business.
Because of what it means for me personally. So when I talk slowing down, I mean, looking after my adrenals, looking after my cortisol, looking after my nervous system, nurturing a calm nervous system, bearing in mind, of course, that my earlier years in career, the first 12 plus years that I spent in legal practice were in litigation and dispute resolution.
And that is a really masculine energy, male dominated practice where self care doesn't exist. Go, go, go intensity all the time. And I was living in 98 percent masculine energy the entire time. So for about 12 years or more, and when it came time, when I met my husband and I never wanted children until I did a switch flipped when I met him.
And when we connected so deeply and purely the way that we did in our relationship, and then when I decided that I wanted to try for a baby, it took a very long time to the point that I didn't think it was going to happen. And I didn't know why. , but in hindsight, I've realized now with support of the professionals who were assisting me at the time stress.
Stress was the reason that I was suffering adrenal fatigue. I was suffering burnout. I was struggling chronic stress, all the things that baby was never going to be bought into that. But I didn't know that at the time, because to me that was normal. So that's my background. So you can understand then why the power of slowing down has been so pivotal in my self care, in the direction of my personal life and in building my business.
What I learned a couple of years ago on a podcast episode, when I had Dr. Christy Goodwin on as a guest, and she's so fabulous in so [00:06:00] many ways, she was talking about digital detoxing and digital overload and digital overwhelm. And she said to me in that episode, Tracy rest is a responsibility, not a reward.
And that stuck with me from that day. But I don't think I actually appreciated the depths of that and the significance of that responsibility until this year. What I've discovered in slowing down is my breathing changes. I actually breathe properly now. How many of us sit around and don't even think about breath or breathing, but we breathe really shallow all the time because we're always on the go and there's always so many things and, oh, when you pause though and slow down.
The breathing changes, the thinking changes, my brain fog lifted, my clarity's improved, just slowing down and doing things at a normal human being pace, rather than been conditioned to accept as normal and expected. But that slowing down has served me so well. In thinking things through in making aligned decisions in pausing to really sit and think and just ponder things and just.
Daydream. And that's where I've been getting some really fabulous aha moments or light bulb moments for both my personal wellbeing and for the business. So many exciting things I've got planned for the business next year. And they've all come about over the last couple of months because I have really been leaning into slowing down.
So the value of slowing down is the biggest lesson The second. Of the three biggest lessons is the value of saying no. And I honestly think that I've really leaned into this as well, simultaneous with slowing down. So I've been talking for a couple of years about the value of saying no in business and not acting for clients who aren't aligned, but I think a lot of that's been at surface level.
[00:08:00] So I believe it and I know it, but I've really integrated it. Into my day to day and into my thinking and my processes over the last few months, I feel like the last few months have been a real consolidation of some really important principles that I've been kicking around for a while, but they've really landed and they've really landed hard these last couple of months, and the value of saying no.
To us as women in business is so important because we do tend to do too much, let's be honest. And we do tend to be people places. And we do tend to want to help everyone and say yes to everything and do all the things because we think we should. And what I want to say here is for me, just because I can do something doesn't mean I should.
So I need to work through, is this an opportunity that I want to accept? Is this a client? That I can meaningfully serve or would this client be better served elsewhere? And I do think about it in those terms because I offer a very high touch service in my business. So clients that work with me get all of me and we get lots of contact and lots of sessions.
And I've always here to answer questions. It's a collaboration. It's a collaboration and that's the unique value that I bring to the table when I'm working with a client, but not all clients want that. Some clients want. Fast, quick, and cheap. I can't serve you. You are better served by somebody else who operates that way.
I best serve clients that want meaningful connection. serious expertise, someone who genuinely cares and has the time and wants to spend the time getting to know that client and that client's business so I can serve in the best possible way That's how I know if a client's aligned for me.
And so I've become comfortable now in saying no, in a very lovely, kind way. To clients that I don't [00:10:00] feel I can best serve. That's been a game changer because what it means is I've let go of guilt around saying no to clients or to opportunities. I've let go of the people pleasing. I've let go of the desire I had to say yes to everything and to be all things to all people.
I know that I can't be all things to all people and I know that not only am I doing myself a disservice if I try, but I'm doing my clients a disservice as well. So if the work doesn't light me up, if I don't think the client is aligned with what I can offer, I'm really comfortable now to say no, and there's real value in that.
I'm also comfortable to say no when I'm asked to work for free. And that's something that I encourage every single one of you listening to this to get comfortable with, because we're running a business. We have value to offer. We do not need to work for free. The expectation that we should do work for free should be the red flag.
If someone's asking For you to do something for free, that really should be a red flag right there. And then, and you can go to the next level and ask the question, why are they asking this? What's the expectation? Where has it come from? And I'm not talking about opportunities where you might like to do something for free to increase your exposure or your community or something like that.
If it's an opportunity and it's aligned, that's not what I'm talking about. But I'm just talking about people that. Don't appreciate the value that you have or your skills and expertise. And they're asking you to do something for free. Red flag, pause, stop and think as opposed to what most of us tend to do earlier in business and think, Oh gosh, if they're asking me for free, maybe that's because I should be doing it for free and we're not trusting ourselves.
So I'd like to share that the working for free is not something. The business owners should be accepting as a matter of course, or just because somebody has an expectation, we are entitled to pause. We are entitled to consider, and we are entitled to say no.
And the third element to the value of saying no for [00:12:00] me has come from saying no to what doesn't serve me, because as I said earlier in the episode, I've really leaned into what I need and my own self care. particularly these last few months when it's all consolidated, but saying no to something that doesn't serve me.
Is a really powerful way to honor myself and to honor my boundaries. So if something's a piece of work that I don't enjoy, or rather than light me up, it's going to suck the life out of me or too much multitasking, or some would say any multitasking, but multitasking to the point where I'm spreading myself.
Too thin or saying yes to somebody's very last minute request. Even though I know my daughter really wants me to be at netball tonight. And now I'm not going to be there. None of those things serve me. They're not aligned for me to the power in saying no to those things. Is deep. It's a really deep, powerful ability to say no to honor myself when something doesn't serve.
And again, , the realization I've had around just because I can do something doesn't mean I should comes into play here as well, because if it doesn't serve me. Even though I'm capable of doing it, it doesn't serve me.
So I'm going to say no. And once I've got clarity, what I have found is once I had clarity around the value of saying no, and what an opportunity looks like and what it doesn't and what's aligned and what's not, once I had clarity around that. The guilt fell away. I was carrying a lot of guilt saying no to things because I'd think, Oh, I really should, and it's the shoulds, isn't it?
You know, we all hear the shoulds and the coulds and the probabilities, but let go of the shoulds, have clarity around what serves, have clarity around what's aligned. And then when we say no against that background, the guilt falls away. And that's been really liberating for me. And I hope this resonates for you.
And I'm hoping that some of this is helpful and valuable for you. [00:14:00] Particularly the guilt part and the ability to say no and the power attached to saying no, guilt free. the third really big lesson that I've learned this year, is the power of presence.
I have talked about this so much in friendship groups, here at home with my husband, I've kicked it around in my head, the power of being present. With where I am at any given time. And I started thinking about this in the context of my children and wanting to be present with my children. So it's all well and good to finish doing what I'm doing, but if I'm sitting there playing a board game with them and I'm not really switched on, I'm not really listening to my daughter's limerick poem that she's written because she learned about it at school today, or I'm not listening to my son share something with me that's so exciting to him because my head's elsewhere.
That to me is heartbreaking because that is one of the reasons I left private practice because of the all consuming nature of the work I was doing, but I got caught up in it again and again and again, and I realized it was a programming I had from society, from what success is, from that traditional legal practice.
And one of the reasons I wanted to move away from it is because I wanted to do things differently, but not just for my clients, for me too. And I want to be present. I don't just want to tick the boxes or roll the arm over. I want to be genuinely deeply present. And the last few months, this has really consolidated for me because.
I've slowed down, I've said no to things that aren't aligned. So that means my headspace has allowed me to be where I am at any given time. And that has extended to my family. And it's so enriching. And I'm so grateful for these last few months and how something's just clicked into place for me. But what it's also meant is that I'm able to be there.
In a more present way with every single one of my clients. And if my calendar is full for the day, it's full of nourishing aligned work. It's full of client conferences that I'm really looking forward to. It's full of new matters [00:16:00] and new client calls that I'm so grateful that they've chosen to work with me and I'm present, fully present.
In every single interaction I have, and that to me is one of the ultimate indicators of success for me. And I'm going to talk about success and what that means to me on a later episode. But the power of presence is so enriching for me. And I know it's enriching for those that I spend my time with, but I've also discovered is it's also enriching for me when I'm alone, when I sit alone in my beautiful chair that I've recently bought myself since attending the retreat to just be.
To journal, to think, to just daydream, to pull a card and just process what that might mean, or to just reflect my brain is not doing a thousand other things. All the tabs aren't open. I'm just there being. So that power of presence for me. As you can probably tell from this episode, this really raw, and this is very vulnerable for me sharing with you, but I know the power of learning from others and just hearing how others process things.
And these challenges that I've had, I know very well that they're not unique to me. These are challenges that probably every woman listening to this and every man as well faces has faced or is facing. So I want to share what I've worked through and why it is that these things have been so meaningful for me.
So to recap, the three biggest lessons I've learned, which I've loved sharing with you in this episode is the value of slowing down the value of saying no and the power of presence. I hope you've enjoyed this episode, whether you're listening to this just before Christmas or if you're listening to this over the break, I hope that it has inspired you to some extent to reflect on your own journey and where you're at and to think about what it is that you'd like to take into the new year and to what it is that you'd like to leave behind and let go of.
As always, thank you so much for listening. If you know someone who you think would also benefit from this episode, please feel free to share. That's how [00:18:00] we help get the podcast into the ears of even more business owners. I'm so grateful for your time. You're spoilt for choice when it comes to podcasts.
And I know that, and I'm so grateful that you've chosen to listen to mine today. So thank you so much. I will catch you next time.
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